Even by his recent high standards for scandal, Charlie Sheen’s behavior Thursday was pretty noteworthy. The day began with reports that the Two and a Half Men star was continuing his “rehab” in the Bahamas with an entourage that included ex-wife Brooke Mueller, apparent current girlfriend Natalie Kenly, and porn actress Bree Olson (which all sounds like the premise for a brand new sitcom). But the weather and the company did not do much to lighten his mood.

Sheen’s Day of Rage started off with a radio interview conducted by conspiracy theorist Alex Jones, who egged Sheen on throughout, feeding his ego. Sounding more unhinged than ever, Sheen blasted Two and a Half Men showrunner Chuck Lorre, who he insisted on calling “Chaim Levine,” for placing a vanity card at the end of a recent episode of the show poking fun at the idea that the hard-living actor might outlive him.

“I embarrassed him in front of his children and the world by healing at a pace that this unevolved mind cannot process,” said Sheen. He professed to have graphic evidence that he was off drugs: “Here’s your first pee test, next one goes in your mouth. No, you won’t get high.” Sheen went on to criticize Alcoholics Anonymous, call himself a “Vatican assassin warlock,” liken himself to a F-18 dropping bombs on people, and refer to Thomas Jefferson as a “pussy.” He also claimed he was ready to come back to the show.

Only hours later, Sheen went on the record with TMZ, and managed to come across as even crazier. This time, he confined his anger pretty much to just Lorre, who he claimed to “own.” Once again using his own nickname for Lorre, Sheen said “I violently hate Chaim Levine. He’s a stupid, stupid little man and a pussy punk that I’d never want to be like.”

To this point, it was still believed production might resume on Two and a Half Men as early as Monday, but all of this was finally too much for Warner Brothers and CBS. As rush hour was under way in Hollywood Thursday, the studio and network released a brief statement: “Based on the totality of Charlie Sheen’s statements, conduct and condition, CBS and Warner Bros. Television have decided to discontinue production of Two and a Half Men for the remainder of the season.”

Sheen’s response came quickly, once again on TMZ, and it was the opposite of contrite: “What does this say about [Lorre] after he tried to use his words to judge and attempt to degrade me … I fire back once and this contaminated little maggot can’t handle my power and can’t handle the truth. I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words – imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.” In a further statement that was apparently texted to radaronline.com, Sheen claimed he was nearing a $5 million-per-episode deal to star in a new show for HBO. Uh … sure, Charlie. (HBO has since gone on the record as denying it any such plans with Sheen.)

By Friday morning, Sheen appeared to have calmed down a little bit, to the point where he was at least more coherent and no longer talking about octagons. But he was still keeping up his busy texting schedule with TMZ and others, exactly the way most people prefer to enjoy the Bahamas. Over the course of several text messages to People, he remained defiant (“They have awoken a sleeping giant … this is me warming up”) but denied that his use of “Chaim Levine” was an example of anti-Semitism as the Anti-Defamation League and other observers have charged, saying that it’s no different than Lorre referring to him in the past by his birth name of Carlos Estevez.

We suppose stranger things have happened, but it’s hard to see how Sheen could ever return to Two and a Half Men at this point; and his bravado about HBO aside, his maintenance of any sort of viable career would seem to be a longshot too, barring real evidence that he’s changed his ways. But he’s still got the three babes in the Bahamas, so that’s nice.

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