SHAPESHIFTER TRAILER PARK

Joe Lee: “Just kidding, I didn’t leave your gross mom!”Tommy: “Stop choking me! If only I had magic powers. If only you owned pants!”Joe Lee: “You will now be our main source of revenue because I broke your mom!”Tommy: “Sure, after I wake up from this loss of consciousness.”Gross Mom: “Are you sure we’re doing the right thing? Choking our kid out and then making him fight animals? Oh, and did I tell you he learned how to read?”

Tommy: “See now how the choke becomes the choker! Who’s the bitch now?”Fighting, fighting, trailer park family domestic situation of a sort I was not raised to accommodate or acknowledge.Both Parents: Suddenly dead.Tommy: Contrite about killing his mom. Does not know that he is now a Skinwalker.

MARNIE’S LATEST BAD IDEA

Marnie, waking up in the dirt of a witch circle: “Hey, what happened?”Lafayette, verbatim: “Hooker, you pissed off another vampire and then you took a goddamn nap!”Marnie: “Okay, my bad. I got possessed again by that ghost witch lady.”Jesus: “That’s marginally interesting.”Lafayette: “Not really. Vampires aren’t going to give a shit about that.”Marnie: “[More of her necromantic right-to-assemble nonsense which she does honestly believe and which is the secret nasty truth about this story line: Nobody ever thought they were doing evil, not once in history or time has anybody thought they were the villain. And the worse we get, the more we cling.]“Team Lala: (Bounces, leaving dumb Marnie to clean up all her witch stuff.)

FOR BORED GIRLS + BOYS WHO HAVE WASTED PRECIOUS SCREENTIME ON ARLENE WHEN NAKED ALCIDE IS ENUF

Arlene: “Our devil baby wrote on the wall!”Terry: “That seems unlikely, although Occam’s Razor does support your theory.”Arlene: “I wish I hadn’t tried for that magical abortion, or else Jesus might help us out.”Terry: “Maybe we should get a priest, actually. Or some Holy Roller equivalent.”

Generally I think complaining about the number of characters and/or plotlines on this show is tantamount to admitting you’re too stupid to keep up, or too lazy to resist the meme and form your own opinion — or, worst of all, just hypothetically bitching like people who scream SPOILERS even though they’ve already been spoiled and everybody has been spoiled and it wasn’t even a spoiler and they’re just doing it because they want to feel like hero cops of the internet — but Arlene makes me wonder. And then shit like this happens, and it all seems okay again:

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